I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
