Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
