You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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