I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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