So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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