As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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