Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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