Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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