Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
