I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
