i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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