Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
