I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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