The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dual....:-)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
