Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
