I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
