Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
