So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
