Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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