He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
