john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
