I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it was like eating out sand paper
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
