it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
