the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
