The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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