Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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