I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
