I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
