I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
