I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
