R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
