We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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