i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
