May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
