this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
