yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
