It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
