Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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