She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
