Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love you. Go after that dick
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
