tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You left your phone here
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