Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
