he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
