OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
