You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
