Plan B is the new Plan A
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
