i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So much rum. So many feels.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
