thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
