I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
