I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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