My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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