did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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