I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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